His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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