yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
