Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Randomize
