just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
