Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
