"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
