Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
