You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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