oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
