i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
