Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
