You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
