I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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