Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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