i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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