im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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