You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
