he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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