Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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