Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
