Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
