remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
