my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
