Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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