I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
