I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Randomize
