you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
