Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
