I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
