just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
