I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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