What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
