mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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