i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize