Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
