mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
