Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
