i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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