i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
