Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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