I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
