woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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