I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
