I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
