She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
