I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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