he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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