another moral hangover. fuck.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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