Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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