Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
