Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
