I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
