At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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