Non-Jews are for practice
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
